thebachbook:

Follow me on Twitter for daily inspiration-driven tweets.

(I’d follow you anywhere, Mr. Bach)

I am not a religious person, and have never pretended to be. However, I accept and respect the beliefs of others… as long as those beliefs don’t contribute to someone else’s pain or suffering. Hatred and Homophobia are a waste of precious time and energy, in a world where countless people never live to experience Love and Happiness.

In this video, Boston-born writer and motivator Jordan Bach eloquently discusses the desperate need to end all religion-based hate. He introduces us to a young man named Matthew Vines — a man working tirelessly to shift the perceptions of the “haters” towards a place of kindness and understanding.

The video includes a scene which some viewers may find hard to watch. But…if you are someone lucky enough to live in a country of peace, like me… you really should consider sharing this. Spread the Love.

note: Jordan’s current blog on Tumblr can be viewed here. His exciting new website is coming soon! You can take a lil’ sneak peek, here.

"On the face of one whose mind is lit by a complete vision of peace, a smile is no longer a mere smile, but a bridge for others to a world beyond."

@JordanBach (via thebachbook) <—- find poetry here

thebachbook:

Whether you’re single or coupled, it’s OK if you feel a little lonely. Loneliness is a part of your wholeness. It’s what leads us to find, connect with, and embrace each other. It’s what led me to all of you.

thebachbook:

In this interview, I talk with Gabby Bernstein about body image, addiction, and discovering your life purpose. The New York Times has called Gabby, “a new role model.” Oprah considers her part of a new generation of spiritual thought leaders. 

Gabby’s new book May Cause Miracles is already one of my favorites. May Cause Miracles is a six-week guide that enlightens, inspires, and empowers. Gabby helps you clear through blocks and discover authentic happiness in every aspect of your life. With the structure and support provided by May Cause Miracles, you’ll transform your relationships to friends, family, romantic partners, work and money, your bodies, and the world. By adding up subtle shifts, you’ll create long-lasting, miraculous change. (Translation: Did you make a New Year’s resolution? This is how to make it stick.)

Perfect for the start of a brand new year! Watch, listen, enjoy.

The Bach Book: Just Because You Feel It Doesn't Make It True →

thebachbook:

You do not simply fall into a depression. Your beliefs cause the depression. Face the depression. Follow the feelings through, but realize that they are feelings in the same way that you realize, hopefully, that beliefs are beliefs. There is a difference between, for example, the feeling, I am no…

Perfect timing from Jordan Bach. Love you, sir.

My Own Private Velvet Rage

(A “Thank You” for Alan Downs)

by Bruce Wheeler

November 6, 2012

Please note: The following essay acts as a book review as well as a personal reflection on the status of my life. I have been putting my thoughts on paper as a means of better understanding my own feelings, while I learn to uncover the reasons for hiding my own sexuality since childhood. In addition, I have been writing letters of thanks to the people who have enriched my world with a greater sense of happiness.

It had been quite some time since I last sat down to read a real book. With my vision gradually faltering over a five year period, I found the very idea of reading to be exhausting. Magazines, newspapers, and online blogs provided just enough of a distraction to get my mind off the idea that I might one day be completely blind. Earlier this year, it became impossible to focus on text and images, and I learned to rely on television news channels, hoping that I could remain connected to life around me.

I first heard about the book The Velvet Rage from Jordan Bach—a popular gay writer I had been following on Twitter. He had described it as a must-read for all gay men — young and old. Already struggling physically, I put off reading the book, figuring no amount of advice printed in the pages of a self-help book was going to make my life better. Having only come out as a gay man last March, I already felt like my plate was “full”… I was reeling from decades of depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. I wondered how someone in his forties, living his entire life void of intimate relationships, might one day experience true, lasting happiness. I had convinced myself that this was just not possible.

The process of coming out was, in itself, one of the most cathartic releases of emotion I had ever felt. In the days immediately following my “big reveal” to my family, friends and coworkers, I experienced a sense of calm that I assumed would last forever. I was gay and I wanted everyone to know it. No more hiding. No more looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was talking about me behind my back. And no more being afraid to “check out” other guys…or so I thought.

For some reason, I began noticing my old patterns of behavior returning. My elation started to fade and, to my disappointment, I could feel my sense of pride slipping away. In a period of just over six months, I had returned to a dark place that I had hoped was in my past. Luckily, my family doctor—a man with whom I can confide in like a best friend—was able to help me out. He referred me to a psychotherapist…and I was grateful. I had assumed that I would never find a therapist specializing in gay men’s issues here in my home town, but I was wrong. So, with my eyesight still frustratingly dim, I figured it might also be a good idea to get my hands on that self-help book sooner, rather than later.

The Velvet Rage, by Alan Downs (PhD) was written primarily for gay men and is about “overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man’s world.” It is divided into sections describing the three main “stages” of internal turmoil which most gay men will face in their development…a journey through shame, avoidance, and self-hatred.

I managed to find a copy of the recently released “revised” second edition of The Velvet Rage, in the “Gay and Lesbian” section of a local bookstore…bottom shelf, barely discernible, rather well hidden from view…just as I’d have expected. The book’s cover shows an old black and white photograph of four seated children wearing what looks to be formal school attire. Three of the children — two boys and one girl — are smiling. The remaining boy is not smiling. He is wearing a bright pink tie, which stands as the only colored item in the photo. I knew immediately that this book was going to be more than just another look at gay culture. I had no idea just how deeply and profoundly it would affect me at my core.

The Velvet Rage encapsulates every emotion, every frustration, and every stage of the life I have lived so far. Having just completed my first reading of the book, I am already thinking of it as more of a personal bible…a collection of stories, ideas, and research that speaks directly to me, whispering: “Bruce, you are going to be fine.” 

The book opens with a chapter called ”The Little Boy with the Big Secret” and it flows, in an always warm and casually written style, through three main sections titled “Overwhelmed by Shame,” “Compensating for Shame,” and “Cultivating Authenticity.” It includes stories from Alan Downs’ patients, as they struggle to contend with the anger, shame and self-destruction that is often prevalent in the gay psyche. It also includes reflections of Alan Downs’ personal life, culminating in an inspirational epilogue aptly titled “This Peter Pan Grows Up.” In a word the epilogue is “beautiful.”

One thing that stands out for me…The Velvet Rage is exceptionally honest writing. It paints a realistic picture of the gay lifestyle for men of all backgrounds. Perhaps we struggle, suffer, and want more than we will ever achieve? Maybe all we want is the same joy, fulfillment and love that is the birthright of all men? Downs does manage to address the question that I admit having had: “Isn’t the struggle with shame similar for straight men?” The answers we get are all thoughtfully presented and satisfying.

By the time I had reached the end of the first “stage” of the book (a mere 70 pages or so) my eyes were stinging from the flow of tears that kept erupting…making me feel as though I might be better off taking this endeavor in smaller bites. I wondered: Is it possible that I will end up feeling even worse by the final pages? Am I really up to this? However, a sense of urgency kept me reading at full speed, jotting down notes and marking passages that spoke to me. It was almost as though Alan Downs was in the room, holding my hand, supporting me, validating my doubts and replacing them with hope. After all, he has “been there” himself. He might be a renowned psychologist, but he is also gay, HIV positive for over two decades, in his late forties, with a shame-and-anger-filled past. He came across like a dear friend who I had yet to meet. He had already “walked the walk” down the path that I was still stumbling upon.

I define myself as a work in progress. Aren’t we all? My eyes have healed somewhat, after numerous surgeries, and my vision allows me to read and write again. Soon, I will pick up my camera and dive back into the photography and art that I am passionate about. I will never take my eyesight for granted. It is one of the gifts in life to be cherished. Another gift in life that has taken me far too long to unwrap and appreciate? …The great potential that lies in the gift of being gay.

The following is an excerpt from the “Preface to the 2012 Edition” of The Velvet Rage:

“(Gay men) are in no way more pathological or deviant than any other man who walks this planet, present or past. And yet, we are clearly different. When you love a man, it fundamentally changes you—and we have all been shaped by our love of men; the heavy caress of his hand, the brush of the hair on his forearm, and the powerful kiss that at once dominates and deconstructs our defenses. These things enliven our days and fuel our dreams.”

I defy anyone to read these poetic words and not see the humanity and beauty in them.

Do yourself a favor and read The Velvet Rage.

Learn more about Alan Downs by visiting his website at http://www.alandowns.com

Visit Jordan Bach’s uplifting blog at http://www.thebachbook.com

Check out my blog at http://www.capitalbruce.tumblr.com

Follow me on Twitter: @capitalBruce

The Power of Sharing Your Truth…

Your Potential May Be Far Greater Than You Realize, Mr. Cooper

October 29, 2012

(A Personal Journal Entry by Bruce Wheeler)

In a world where gay men are making huge strides towards full equality and acceptance, there is still much work to do. In some countries, men are put in prison for being gay. Countless religions continue to preach about Love, while practicing the polar opposite. In the “Free” world, gay men continue to be “bashed” for something as simple as kissing another man in public. Young men in middle school are being bullied to the point of suicide. Homophobia is rampant in organized sports… I mean, are we crazy enough to believe there are no gay players in the NHL? And, as ridiculous as it seems from my vantage point as a Canadian, most American states still refuse to recognize same-sex marriage. (California? Are you kiddin’ me?)

Why is it so darned difficult to convince the Modern world that Love is the only viable option? And why should gays have to resort to kicking and screaming to get their point across? I guess “slow and steady” is going to define our plan of attack in this marathon, after all.

Some gay voices are louder than others. I, for one, am not a fan of angry noise. So… I have chosen to listen to a few quiet, poetic voices on my current path in life… voices that speak clearly and without bitterness, but still manage to pack a meaningful punch when push comes to shove. I would rather ignore hateful speech from someone like Ann Coulter than call her “ugly” (which many gay guys have decided to do). Knee-jerk reactions to hate will get us nowhere. They merely draw attention to the hate itself… and multiply it.

I am rambling. There are so many potential tangents here.

It is no secret that I have previously written about the powerful voice of gay New York writer and blogger Jordan Bach. I came out eight months ago as a result of his words. The world of social media came to my rescue, and the two of us crossed paths on Twitter. I will never be able to thank him enough (and he is probably a little tired of hearing me say it!)

There is another gentle-but-powerful voice in New York, coming from a man who also happens to be gay… Yep, I am referring to the world-travelling, war-corresponding, talk-show-hosting, tour-de-force CNN news-anchoring and Ridiculist-ing Anderson Cooper. (and I won’t apologize for run-on sentences, people).

It is my hope that Anderson Cooper never underestimates the importance of his simple statement: “The fact is, I am gay.” He made his sexuality public four months ago, after years of gossipy speculation by the press, although the people closest to him—family, friends, coworkers—were fully aware that he is gay.

Perhaps without knowing it, Anderson has proven that the face of a gay man cannot be defined by any stereotypical “gay” mask. Gay men are everywhere. And although there are those who say that he should have “kept it to himself”, there are gay men like me who feel that 2012 is the right time to share as much as we possibly can with the young men who need our help. Every voice has to be heard. Thousands of individual, thoughtful voices can be brought together to make one huge, positive change.

In Anderson’s case, fame and popularity mean he has the additional gift of “reach”. His statements travel around the planet every day of the week. Millions of people are influenced by his words. And it’s safe to say that the majority of his viewers respect his professional, dignified approach to journalism.

So… I really believe that NOW is the time for every gay man who has the advantage of a “platform” to make himself heard. Be an advocate… and try to generate as much controlled, mature conversation as possible. Just don’t yell.

Life for gay men really can be the “new normal”. 

Let’s prove it.

Note: my own coming out process started earlier this year, with this note to my friends… and it pointed them to my original “Thank you” letter to Jordan Bach.

"If you judge another, you will judge yourself. Each feat of forgiveness releases a little bit of the shame you carry about your own history."

Jordan Bach

Perfect for National Coming Out Day, this lovely message from Jordan Bach should be shared by all gay men and their straight allies. Coming out will free you. You owe it to yourself. .. Come out, come out, wherever you are…